Friday, November 28, 2008

The Void

During any transition stage I believe there to be a void. A surprising thought considering at a 'time of change' one would assume transformations to be taking place left, right and centre.

For me, the transition from high school to university has been a great, big, gaping void- full of dreams, desires but also impatience.

More than anything I want plans(both expected and unexpected) to be set into motion so that I can begin working towards my goals. Instead, time seems to be standing still. I no longer wake up with that little flutter in my stomach that serves as a reminder that I am stepping over another mound or hurdle on my life journey. More acurately it seems I am out in the dessert, parched and hungry to make a difference, but walking towards an oasis that never draws near enough.

To make matters worse, I am left unmotivated to tick off the simple, everyday tasks on my long 'AFTER HSC TO-DO' list- activities I had originally looked forward to, hastily typed down, and envisioned with an excited gleam in my eye.

At the moment life(in the sense of achieving life goals) seems very stagnant. I feel as if I am almost in an existentialist state where the monotony of a day consists of little meaning; (*big breath*) working[as a casual in a shoe shop], coming home, eating, sitting on the net doing anything and everything but beneficial work and, in the blink of an eye, drifting off into a dreamless sleep- only to awake and enjoy the repetition of the same cycle with the common addition of extra spice: the obligation to put up with rude customers whilst struggling to make budgets set without any regard to Australia's present economic climate.

I am not really complaining. I am very thankful for the many successes the year, and school-life in general, has brought.

I suppose, more than anything, my little frustrations mount from the almost let-down of post-HSC life. I had expected the vacation to be a time of utter relief and elation, and instead I feel it is a void. Not an entirely unwelcome void(probably one that I needed), but one that I thought would be filled with...meaning... or perhaps something less vague that I cannot quite put my finger on.

Ask me in a years time and I am sure I could vividly explain to you that 'something', and what I felt 'meaning' was. At the moment, call me stupid, but I would welcome the option to be back at school and learning. Learning more about myself, others, and the enigma that is life. For isn't that our ultimate quest?

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